Four Dogs on a Leash: Play

Cast

Doctor:  Early 30's.  a young surgeon.  Wears lab coat and carries a stethoscope.
Soldier:  Mid 20's. a Lieutenant in the army.  Wears a uniform.
Scholar:  Mid 40's. A Political Science professor at the local university.  Smokes a pipe
Photographer:  Early 20's.  An aspiring photojournalist.  Always has a camera with him.

Time: Present-day, one week from Valentines Day.  

Setting: A small pub somewhere on the outskirts of a large city near the ocean.


Act One: Scene One:

(As the curtain rises, we see four men seated together around a table in a pub.  One is a Soldier, one is a Doctor, one is a Scholar, and one is a Photographer.  They are all relatively young and handsome, but all have the appearance of being deep in thought.)

Doc:  (to the Photographer) So…what's your plan for Valentines day?  It's only a week away after all.

Photographer:  Oh, I'm not telling.
  
Soldier: (to Photographer) That's because you don't have any idea about what you're going to do, right?  

Doc:  Well nether do you!  None of us know what we're going to do for Valentine's day!  That's why we're here, to bounce ideas off each other.  

Scholar:  I think we're going about this all the wrong way, let's start all over from the beginning.  Now Lieutenant, (turning toward the Soldier) When did you meet your girlfriend?

Soldier:  When I was off duty.  I was visiting the museum's  new war exhibit.  She seemed kind of lost, so I helped escort her though the rest of the exhibit.  When I remarked that I was in the service she went all over me, saying that she "liked men in uniform."

Scholar:  Well, then why don't you take her back there for your date.  We could each do that, take out girlfriends back to the first place we met them.

Doc:  No, that won't work.

Scholar:  Why not?

Doc:  I hardly think an operating theater is a very romantic setting.

Photographer:  What was your girlfriend doing at an operating theater?

Doc:  A friend of hers was having an appendectomy and she wanted to see the operation, and I was there explaining the procedure to her.  I'll never forget the look on her face when they started making the incision.  She fainted right into my arms.

Photographer:  Well…that's kind of romantic, isn't it?

Doc:  She vomited afterwards, and all over my favorite lab coat too. (Everyone else erupts into a small spurt of laughter)

Scholar:  (Turning to the Photographer) Where did you first meet your girlfriend?

Photographer:  Me?  Oh, I was trying to get a few snapshots of that new fountain they built down near the train station.  I was backing up trying to get a larger shot when I accidentally bumped into her.  She asked if I could take a few shots of her standing next to the fountain too!  Man, she looked beautiful!  Well Professor, (turning toward the Scholar) what about you?

Scholar:  I first met my dear lady friend while I was giving a lecture at the university on the relationship between the proletariat and bourgeoisie during recessions.  She approached me after the lecture and said my presentation was "exhilarating."

Soldier:  (sarcastically) Ha! "Exhilarating."  What a joke!

Scholar:  I beg your pardon?

Soldier:  Oh come on!  Remember that other seminar of yours she dragged us all to?  The one about the Pros and Cons of Parliaments and Presidencies?  I was so bored I thought I'd die!  And your girl slept through half the lecture!

Scholar:  She thoroughly enjoyed my lecture, far more than that pompous military parade we were forced to sit through.  Yet another example of fat old men with medals wasting time and money to show off "well trained men and modern equipment" to protect our dear children while they starve on the streets and our infrastructure crumbles beneath our feet!

Soldier:  Now listen here, bub!  Those men in the parade joined the army for the exact same reasons I did, to serve my country, and I'm damn proud of the work I've done, just as they are!  

Scholar:  Right, fighting in the name of freedom and democracy but in the service of stupidity and hypocrisy!

Soldier:  Why you…!  (He lunges over the table and grabbers the Scholar by the rim of his collar.  The soldier gets ready to hit him, but the abrupt noise of a camera shutter stops him, and the two contenders looked to see the cameraman pointing his lens at them.)

Photographer:  (taking a picture) Oh, don't let me stop you; keep going.  This will make a great story in tomorrow's newspaper.  (The Solder unhands the Scholar and they both lightly brushed themselves off before sitting again).

Doc:  Come-on, lay off each other will you?  Let's think seriously about this!

Soldier:  Well, that's what we've been doing and we haven't gotten anywhere!

Doc:  Then let's keep trying, something will come.  What about seeing a movie?  We haven't thought of that.  Are there any…what, what about that new movie that's coming out, that one by James Cameron?

Soldier:  What movie?

Doc:  You know, that new sci-fi one.  What was it called, ( snapping his fingers trying to remember)  "Avatar!"  That was it!

Photographer:  Avatar?

Doc:  Yah, it's a sci-fi flick about these giant blue cat people.  It's supposed to be pretty good.

Soldier:  I think I've heard of that.  It's supposed to have a lot of action.

Scholar:  And if it's like Cameron's other works there should be plenty of political commentary.

Photographer:  And from what I've heard it's supposed to have top-notch special effects and cinematography!

Doc:  Okay, great, now we've got something!

Photographer:  But who's going to go?

Scholar:  What?

Photographer:  Won't it be kind of suspicious of we all take our girlfriends to see the same movie?  I mean, our girlfriends are all friends with each other just like we are.  When they talk about their dates and realize they all did the same thing, they might think we were cheating, like we weren't being original.  So we can't all do the same thing.

(The three other men at the table let out a simultaneous groan as they all realize their folly.)  

Soldier:  Great, back at square one!  Should we draw straws?

Scholar:  Then what would the losers do?

Soldier:  They'll just have to think of something on their own.

Scholar:  (to the Soldier) Oh, no you don't!  I thought we all had an understanding that whatever we would do for our dates would be comparable in terms of elaborateness!  Nothing more and nothing less than what everyone else did.

Soldier:  No one ever said anything like that!

Photographer:  But it's still a good idea.

Soldier:  (sighing) I can't understand why we can't just ask the girls what they want us to do.  It would be a hell of a lot easer that way.   

Doc:  It's Valentine's Day.  It's not supposed to be easy.  No holiday is.  You just have to suck it up and let yourself be a slave to the tradition, a dog on a leash.  That's what we are guys: four dog's on a leash.  

Soldier:  Yah, but with no master to guide us.
(The curtain falls.  The story ends.)